Father dating after mothers death

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My mom is 50 and looks a bit younger. God bless you all. I feel like now, myself at 26 years old, am reliving my childhood. As a new spouse to a former widower, I whole heartedly agree with this article!

This made me feel like I should stay in this little town and take care of our Mother. Between she's doing it to try to break the proverbial ice, but that's not the way to go about it. Her last few years had been tough for both of them. On topic, I'm not saying that all guys must abandon their girlfriends to properly grieve for their parents. I also tend to think it depends on how the partner dies. Men tend to grieve privately, not allowing women to see their pain. We dated for 5 years and I thought we had something. My parents devorced when i was about seven or eight but they faught so solo that i was serverely traumatised from before i can remember. This new spouse went to school with the deceased, had been a family friend for over 50 years, and attended the same church. At the third try I did leave a message and a few days la. I then read read this post. She has 3 grandchildren of her own who are the light of her life!.

No one can condone this behavior. He does not dare ask if she will be staying for a few days. Thank you for your candid and sweet message.

Anna Pasternak: 'My mother's death almost killed my marriage' - The way she broke the news to me shocking, although I put two and two together before she actually told me.

He lost both his parents to cancer before he was 13. The complete survey of more than 1,000 respondents, set for release later this month, was funded by the on behalf of , a nonprofit provider of childhood bereavement camps. She says she is worried that educators, doctors, and the clergy get little or no training to help them recognize signs of loneliness, isolation and depression in grieving children—and in adults who lost parents in childhood. Adults visit physicians, speak of depression, but are never asked if a childhood loss might be a factor. The study also found that those who lost parents young are more likely to be hospitalized for depression or to commit violent crimes. Gary Jahnke, 31, of Hastings, Minn. I had a good relationship with my dad, but he was also grieving. Support groups, which grieving adults often find helpful, seem less beneficial to bereaved children, says Holly Wilcox, a psychiatric epidemiologist who led the Hopkins study. Children are more apt to be buoyed by engaging in normal kid activities with supportive peers, and by receiving attention from adult relatives or friends who encourage them to talk about their feelings. At the same time, the mental-health issues of grieving kids need to be better monitored by primary-care physicians in the days, months and years after their parents die, Dr. When surveyed about how they processed their grief, adults whose parents died when they were young speak of touchstones. They were helped by looking at old videos with surviving family members, by listening to favorite music and by writing memories of their parents in journals. The early loss of a parent can make some people more resilient, responsible and independent, the research shows. But there are risks there, too. They focus on trying to keep their surviving parent happy or on stepping up to handle the responsibilities of their deceased parent. Donica Salley, a 50-year-old cosmetics sales director in Richmond, Va. When she was 13, her 44-year-old father drowned while on vacation in the Bahamas. He was also 44. Their 17-year-old son has since attended a Comfort Zone camp. Christopher Blunt, an executive at New York Life and a camp volunteer, was 22 when his mom passed away. One 10-year-old girl told the others about a day when she was 5 years old and got mad at her father. He died of a heart attack the next day. Their children were then 11 and 13. His organization, with the help of corporate sponsors, has sent 300 families on vacations. After their parents die, some of the children might find it painful to look at these last photos of them enjoying life as a family. Herman, who lost his dad when he was 4 and his mother when he was 12, says such images can be a gift later in adulthood. For years, he resisted watching the video of his 9th birthday. But he now finds it cathartic to see his mother healthy, hugging him and calling his name. It hurts not to hear him. For many who lost parents young, one particular birthday in their adult years is highly anticipated—and bittersweet. I had to live to 46 to break the curse. Hughes, who has two young children, says she has made progress in dealing with her loss. She no longer fantasizes about giving up a year of her life for a day with her parents. Perla said on June 27, 2014 at 12:30 am... Hi Everyone, I lost my father when I was three from an accident. He was assaulted and killed and was found three days later. My mom had told me he was in out of town but time had passed and I realized he was taking to long. She wanted to protect me because she knew I would be devastated and I was. The death of my father created a big impact in my life. My fathers presence died when he died. Nobody really talks about my father at home and when my mother does, she somethings brings out the negative things he did to her when he was alive. I was my fathers favorite and the strongest thing of all is that I look like him and act like him. My sister was younger when he passed away but her effect has not been as big as mines. My older brother was not affected as much either because it was not his father. My mom is a wonderful woman who has cared for me and my siblings. She met someone a few years later who she had been dating for years and finally married about a year a go. I love and respect my step dad but it will never be the same. Since my father died, I him been living a lonely life. Most of my family seems to be happy now but I do no find happiness in my life. There are moments in my life when I do feel happy but still feel like I have something missing. I have anger problems sometimes and sometimes I just want to be mean to others because I feel like life is not fair with me. Although I love school and I have good grades and plan to attend college, I have a hard time keeping my relationships with people. I get tired of people easily and push them away from my life. I feel very lonely and I feel like I have nobody to talk to. I am scared that I wont find happiness in my self for the rest of my life. I am glad I found this website because I feel like there are our people out their who understand you, although I wished I would have found it sooner. Hello, I lost my mom to cancer when I had just turned 17 she fought a losing battle for 2 years. I carried around so much guilt about her death for years. I just cannot cope with thinking about having to pick up the peices again. The article and many of the comments hit home. My mom died from cancer when I was 15. I was her favorite child. I can say this because I was her only child. As far as I know. But there are risks there, too. They focus on trying to keep their surviving parent happy or on stepping up to handle the responsibilities of their deceased parent. After my mom died, my independence increased exponentially as I did the laundry, the cooking, etc. I cared for my father much more than he cared for me. It was the early 1980s. My childhood ended at age 15. Well, actually, about a year earlier … when mom got sick. And it really sucks since I have no siblings. Enter eventual stepmother into the picture. She and my dad met in the worst place imaginable: a grief-support group. They began dating less than a year after my mom died. The first time I met her was when they had come to our house to use the oven because hers was on the fritz. I wish I were making this up. I was, as the newspaper story says, stepping up to handle the responsibilities of the deceased parent. Dad and stepmother got married between my junior and senior years of high school. The years that followed were, looking back, unconscionable. After I went to college, they changed the locks on the house and told me to ring the doorbell and use the front door — of my own house! And oh it gets better. The two decades that followed were — looking back — a concerted effort to drive me away, and to bring her kids in closer. Stepmother has been been feathering the nest since the early 1980s. So Dad died a few years ago. The preceding years were punctuated by several instances of complaints about me not being there for them, not meeting their expectations. What a load of crap. By then, the damage had been done. He was barely my father. I miss my mom about a million times more than him. My dad simply was not a strong enough person to be able to maintain a relationship with an only son and a second wife at the same time. For a quarter decade I blamed myself for this. I thought … if only I had been a better son, etc. My father is the one who came out weaker. His death was, in many ways, liberating. This is such a great place for sharing! I am a 32 year old teacher who lost my mum when I was 16. I was probably her favourite and have a younger sister and older brother but it hit me the hardest. I had a relationship a few years later that I thought was the one, but when that failed again I just shut down my emotions — for 7 years amazing how a smile can fool people! It took another bad breakup to unblock many of the emotions and I went through major depression and nearly ended it. After battling through that I have reached a point of compromise. My mum was with a friend when she started having a fit. I called the ambulance and my dad to come over. They left and I carried on as normal. After my mum died my dad got a new relationship 7 months later to a woman who went on to emotionally abuse me while my dad did nothing. The overwhelming emotion is anger but I know from experience anger is so futile. I lost my father 14 days before turning 3, on the worst December of my life, 27 years ago. And here I am looking for help because I cant get over it. To hear your mother say she has dedicated her life to you over and over, therefore making me feel like shit because I ruined her life, like it was my fault that she could never move on. There was never a good time to discuss my grief, because I felt that if I spoke about it I was hurting her, and being a burden was already enough. I know that is nonsense to think the stories will repeat, but I cant find a way around that fear, if you have any ideas please share. I wish for all of you the light I havent been able to find. I lost my mom to a brain tumor when I was 15. The doctors found the tumor on the day I was born. One of my earliest memories is when I was 4 and I saw my mom having a seizure on the kitchen floor on top of my newborn baby sister. I was alone at the time and I somehow was able to move my mom into my sisters crib. When she died, I shut down completely. I faked my way through emotions when I had to but I spent a solid 9 years not feeling much of anything I was 13 when Mom started to really decline and was verbally abused and emotionally neglected by her and my dad for most of Middle school, then souley by my dad for High school and early College. Where I dealt with things by shutting down emotionally and retreating from the world, she did the opposite. She threw herself into the social scene of drinking and doing drugs pill-popping, mostly and started cutting herself, smoking cigarettes, and putting on a lot of weight since she hit puberty. Now I worry that she may be becoming resentful of me for my old memories and new successes. We live together in an apartment now. It was my choice to move, but a few days after I had told him of my plans, my dad kicked her out after he found out she had stopped or never started going to College. I just want to help her. Lewis said on July 31, 2014 at 5:00 am... I, too, am humbled and saddened by these stories. I lost my dad to melanoma at 22 he was 48 and my mom to medical malpractice negligence 15 months later after a nurse forgot to remove her PICC line before discharge for a minor fall. She was also 48, and a beautiful woman inside and out. They planned it all along while my dad had melanoma. Stay strong, life does go on. My mom passed away from an anoxic brain injury after getting a cavities filled at a dentist office. Went into a coma and passed away almost 5 yrs ago in 2010. I grieve everyday for her we were very close. I am working on becoming a Nurse and music teacher. I am 30 yrs old she passed away when I was 25 yrs old and in college. I keep strong in my faith and know we will connect again in heaven and this keeps me strong everyday. Joanne my mother is a great person and nice in every way. My Mom and Dad were divorced before I had any memory of my father. My mom was diagnosed with brain cancer, in 1977, when I was 13. She passed away when I was 16. I went on to attend college, get married, and have two children. All these years later I only recently have realized that I had become a caretaker for the people in my life, from my mom to my wife who was comfortable in the role of being cared for , and then my children. But I was lonely. What I lacked was someone that knew how to take care of me. I fell in love with a women who had lost her father when she was 12 and her mother years later. My marriage ended badly, of course, but I finally found a real partnership and relationship. I think I was so busy trying to please everyone, looking for a kind of parental approval that I can never remember receiving. My mother died when I was 4 and my sister was 1. I have no recollection of it, except for an incident where blood was on the fridge and there was a lot of crying and screaming. She died of misdiagnosed breast cancer and had the BRCA1 gene. My father remarried, and that was a botch. That cow took everything he had and mistreated me and my sister. After that, he became a recluse and died an alcoholic. The relative and aunt who also died of breast cancer told me that I cried for a year when my mother died but I have no memory of that. My father tried to strangle my stepmother at the foot of my bed when I was 10 and I think he was jailed for that or there was extreme trouble. I left home at 16 and started injecting morphine, taking acid, pot, mushrooms, sniffing petrol everything I could get my hands on. At an earlier age, I would capture stray dogs at night I would have been around 12 or so and torture them with cigarettes, cut them etc. I was extremely intelligent — still am. I achieved scholarships to uni etc without really trying. I was aimless and hitch hiked a lot, all over the country, and met my future wife. I went back to her city hitchhiked around 5000km to get there, including over a desert , completed my tertiary studies, became an exec and made a lot of money. Then I got caught for sex crimes and went to jail. That was 15 years ago. I now work, we are happy and live in a mortgage free two storey house in an excellent suburb. Two kids, 6 grandchildren. I am hard though, hard in the heart and probably the soul. I am from india.. I loved my mother a lot and she is my heaet. I looked after her for 8 months.. I was so wrong.. I feel devastated all the time.. All I remember of is when my mom collapsed in front of my eyes. My whole life seems a waste when I cant even talk to her or hear her voice. I think I would not be able to be happy again. She left me and took away my happiness with her. I miss her every second. I lost my husband 5 years ago after a long battle with cancer 10 years my daughter was very young and since he passed she has been struggling with depression. She has been to counceling during his illness, after his death and still is today. He died at 41, was hit by a car. I did struggle a lot during my teenage years, but it made me resilient and stronger but not without scars. I think we all have a choice, whether we can see or feel it at the time, but eventually we know we have a choice to either SINK or SWIM when it comes to dealing with life after the death of a loved one, and in particular, a beloved family member, a parent, a sibling or both. Certainly, losing a child is in another category, which I saw from my mother who lost her daughter, my sister, when she was 22 I was 17. My mom died nine years later. She told me to have a good life, and I honor that request as best I can. Its better to help others than to obsess on the pain. It is lonely when you are younger and no one else in your peer group can understand your reality anymore, and yet.. Thats what they want for us. Raised by my mother, my father passed away from hepatitis c when I was one and a half years old. A man who can do no wrong, a father who would have protected me at any cost. I struggled academically through out my childhood. Her depression was all consuming. There was no structure and they took liberties discipling me. I grew up desiring the nuclear family. Less chaos, less noise, less dysfunction. I wanted to be Vanessa on the Cosby Show, shoot, I wanted Bill Cosby to be my dad. Because of my broken home life i seeked refuge a the community college where i began to excel in my studies and eventually went away to a 4 year university and earned my BA. I once had a dream that he and I spent the day together, I do not recall looking him in the eyes, however in my dream there was an intense feeling of his presence. In the end he told me I had to go now. I observed the relationships that others have with their fathers and instead of being logical about the situation I become bitter, slighted, saddened by this unfortunate Fate. I do not blame others, God, or the doctors. It is what it is. The phenomenon that I long for someone I do not know, a father and daughter relationship that was never meant to be, and a past, future, especially a present that we will never share leaves me with a hollowness I cannot fill. I live a life that I as a child would have envied. A supportive husband, two intelligent and loving children who make my life worth living to the fullest. I am very happy to have found this site. Thank you for sharing your deepest feelings and thoughts. Yesterday was the 28th anniversary of my fathers death from a heart attack. It still affects me in certain ways. My mother died 9 years after my dad. Both were sudden, no warning. My sister and I were left with the emotions, grief and mess after that plus our 88 yo grandmother we had to take care of. Although I was older, 24, when my mom died it was much harder in a way. I always compared it to losing an eye weird but it works , losing a parent is like losing an eye, you still have one left but after losing both your completely blind. I always suppressed the idea that these two events should affect my life long term. How could it not, right? Now, I realize, why the hell not?! Of course it affected me, not just in the traditional bereavement sense but a more deeper phycological one. Also, the idea of behaving like adults and being stoic but losing their childhoods, trying to keep their surviving parent happy and stepping up to handle responsibilities…My sister and I did this after our father died. With our mother we were adults although young but just starting out with our lives. Two crucial times in our lives. How has it affected me? I believe when I was in high school I took on that stoic, adult like quality. College…I know for a fact that if my dad had been still living I would have gone away to college but my sister and I both commuted to college. We both felt bad about leaving our mom alone. We wanted to stay and help her take care of the house as well as our grandmother. My life would have been much different had I gone away and not just that. Gone away knowing both my parents were still around. After college things were good, I was ready to take on the world. A year after I finished student teaching my mother died from an aneurism. My sister and I were now blind, emotionally speaking. We went into high gear and was almost automatic and did what we had to do. Deciding on pulling the plug brain dead , deciding on organ donation, dealing with creditors they come out of the woodwork when someone dies , taxes, the house, our grandmother. My sister was married only 6 months prior and living an hour away. My brother-in-law and I built an apartment for my grandmother in their new house. After that it was several years of taking care of our grandmother and eventually deciding to put her into a nursing home which two grandchildren should NEVER have to do. I read another post on here where someone lost their dad when they were young and realized that they know nothing about women and get paranoid when things are good that the other shoe is about to drop. I can relate to that. When a 15 year old boy loses his father that father-son connection is gone. And we got through it together. I realize it will never go away completely but as you age you learn more about yourself and this forum has helped. How about 2 years for each. When I was seven months old my Dad was killed by a drunk driver. Am nearly fifty years old and still hoping to awaken and to find this was a nightmare. There have been many challenges, where I think having the influence and guidance of my Dad would have made a big difference. I have two older brother who left home as soon as they could , and moved far away. They rarely visited and stayed distant. This made me feel like I should stay in this little town and take care of our Mother. Soon after her funeral not surprisingly I have not talked to my brothers since. My brothers are successful I am not. Am depressed ,hopeless ,negative , and usually near broke. Have had so much family heritage and influence taken from me by the drunk driver who killed my Dad. I Do enjoy life it just gets tougher to feel as the years add up. I was almost two when my mom died in a car accident. My sister and I were in the car with her, but we both survived. For a long time I thought my mom was trying to kill us bc she knew my dad was sexually abusing us. I could deal with that thought. But, here in the last few weeks i found out that before my mom died she was going to counseling bc she was gang raped by a few of my cousins when she was my age. So, that let me know that she did not know about the abuse. My dad became a single father of two girls that he never even wanted. That lead to him drinking and doing drugs. He plead guilty and got 20 years no parol the summer before i turned 10 years old. I went through a rough patch a couple years later and got into a lot of trouble, but something within me told me that if i kept going down this road i would be in the same place my parents were; either dead or in prison. I would like to open up a foster home later in life so i can help some of the kids that were like me at one point. I wonder all the time what life would be like had they still been alive, and I fear I will be like this forever. I am glad I found this forum I thought I was the only one but now I know I have community. My father and mother passed away when I was one years for unknown reasons. It was forty day in between their death; I have done well for myself managing my live from small town in one of the poorest countries in the world through civil war, refugee camp and adjusting live in the USA. With all the success i manage to have I have hard time relating to people. Plse keep running the page for us. This is my community. The only happy memory I have of my childhood is the time passed with my maternal grandfather who died from cancer when I was ten. The other memories are horrible: my parents fighting, my mother insulting me, tears and sadness. My mother always abused me, she was very cruel and very ill. She was mentally unstable and killed herself in a violent way when I was 16. My maternal grandmother is like my mother, she always says horrible things and I prefer to have no contact with her. My relatives witnessed what I went through as a kid but nobody helped me. I felt sorry reading your stories. I was 17 years old when my dad died from a terminal illness last year. He was diagnosed when I was 12 years old, so I lost a huge chunk of my childhood helping my family care for him. I shut it off from the outside world, even from my friends as it was such an intense topic to bring up at such a young age, when their biggest fears was moving to high school. I woke up on Monday morning, my mum telling me he had perked up a little bit, so I went to college as normal. When I came home, my mum and grandad were waiting for me on the driveway, eyes full of tears and arms wide open and I knew what was coming. I collapsed onto the driveway and screamed and screamed, unable to get up because my body had become paralysed with the realisation and the heartache. My two older siblings came out and we just sat on the floor and held each other, until my brother carried me inside. I struggle with the loss every single day. I completely agree that not enough support is given to people my age when losing a parent. I was so upset, I was forced to walk out in front of hundreds of students, which caused me further embarrassment. My relationship with my boyfriend who I was with through it all broke down, and he was the one person I could turn to at any point to make me feel better. I was 8 when I lost my father, to a short battle with cancer. Oldest of two, brother hearing impaired, mother 27. I stepped up, became the man of the house and moved on without missing a beat. We are a vulnerable species, and a peculiar one. Just a collection of letters written to my father. Day to day stuff mostly, sometimes some head stuff. It has helped me process somethings that I am feeling, some things that I am letting go of, and some things that I am addressing. For me it was a choice to move on and live in the sunshine. But not without its consequences. I lost my mother at 19 two days before Christmas to allergic reaction to medicine. That was the day I stop feeling like kid. It has taken me 18 years to realize it. Lost my brother to suicide five years ago next month. I am so happy to realize how I have felt for years is understood by others. I have suffered with depression and anxiety and being a alcoholic. I sympathize with the people here. I found this site when I was looking to see if there were other people with a passed like mine. When I was 5 years in 1997 my father died of a sudden heart issues. No one ever told me the real details, because in my family my father is a subject never to be spoken of but by me. When I was in the first grade I hid in the brushes after recess I broke down crying. This was my 6th day of school I kept thinking why do they have two parents and I have one, I felt like if I ran home he would be there, ready to pick me up. So after they all went inside I ran home, I made it all the way to my front door knob. When the principal scooped me up in his arms and walk back to the school like that. I only live a good 8 blocks away from school. He told me he saw me running through the windows and took off after me. I never told anyone in all my yrs of elementary. The strangest part of all of this is my mother says I look, act, and walk just like him. My older sibling look just like mom with almost black hair.. When I was younger I was mad all the time my main thought it was gods curliest joke ever. Now I love it, I understand that his time was short but subconsciously he had a big impacted on me. Yet I want to be like him, a man that in his life time saved to strangers from a two story burning building without a second thought a few days before I was born. I hope her and I can somehow find common ground to start working on our issues. I know that the scares I carry are deep, and painful. Thanks for letting me share these thoughts that have ever been spoken aloud. PS Forgot to put mail on it. Also it is very saddening and strangely comforting to know their are other people who understand.. He died suddenly from a heart attack. My amazing mom had me, my younger brother who was 1, and two older brothers ages 7 and 18 to raise on her own. Maybe it was typical of that generation to grieve that way—to just not talk about it? I am happily married and have two children who are ages 19 and 22. I find this year has been really hard for me. I think of what life would have been like with my dad. Just to be hugged, held, and loved by him. I imagine him walking me down the isle 25 years ago when I was married. I have some pretty deep crying sessions when I am alone. I feel sad for my brother who was 18 at the time as that must have been so hard for him to lose our dad at the age. A senior in high school. What about my brother who was 7? I wish I knew what he was feeling. I am very close to my siblings, but we never talk about my dad or his death. For those of you who have written your feelings, thank you. You have helped me. For all of you those who write and those who only read , may you find peace. I lost my mom when I was 13, and my dad passed away 6 months later. I have to write a cause and affect paper for my college comp class and looked to this article to hopefully find some affects my parents deaths has had on me. Silly dont you think? I am thankful for all the input on here, it helped me identify with myself a lot the more. Was a bit today. Started missing my parents whom I lost at young age. I was 17 when I lost my father. Life was not easy since I hated the idea of people sympathising with me or my elder sister. People who gave us big suggestions rarely knew what we were goingthrough. Within 5 years we lost our mother too due to ill health. Responsibility and responsible behaviour became vital ingredients of life. At times its very tiring. Parents love is the only unconditional gift of life. Death becomes a reality and not just a text book word. The loss taught me the basics of life. For example life is precious and relationships are very valuable. I know nothing not even a miraccan bring them back. I miss them when I am very sad. I miss their love For us. I miss them when I am very happy cause I could have shared it with them too. I miss them when I do good. I miss them when I am not well. The only time I feel fine about their loss is when I see people of their age going through immense physical or mental pain. I dislike people of my age who exploits their parents for their vested interest. However we regret that we could have been gifted some more years with our parents. Parents are the best gift of God. So, today marks the 14th anniversary of my mothers death. I was ten when she died. It was two weeks before my 11th birthday. My parents devorced when i was about seven or eight but they faught so terribly that i was serverely traumatised from before i can remember. My parents continued their fighting well after their divorce. Pushing and pulling their four kids including myself in a game of manipulation. I witnessed him forcing a garden hose down our puppies throat and turning it on as far as it could go, as punnishment for her eating strawberries from our garden.. Mum was diagnosed with cancer. She assured me she wouldnt die. It was silly to think that she would. I believed her even though i knew deep down, she was in denial.. My father spiraled into a deep depression that he never really recovered from until he was remarried 12 years later. My older siblings both became distant. This left me to care for my younger brother, who was only seven at the time. I missed out on being a kid. My dad drank so heavily that our relationship became quite volitile. He could not see past his depressive state and ended up making some terrible financial decisions, including selling our big family home and moving us into a caravan.. Living in such close proximity to a depressed alcoholic was exhausting. I left home at fifteen due to our fights becoming more and more violent. My little brother was not the target for my dads rage so he was safe, actually safer without me there. I spent four long years drowning my sorrows until, like my father, i began having violent outbursts, such as smashing my belongings in a drunken haze, screaming, crying and physically harming myself. It was clear that alcohol was not going to aid my broken heart. But the reality was that i was completely gutted by the loss of my mother. I was suicidal and had no desire to live. This continued on and off for many years. Even after i had my daughter at age 20. I ended up caving in and accepting medication which i had sworn against with an abselute passion! And i swear, it was the first time i began to see clearly in so long. He and i fell madly in love, as did our two little girls who identified one another as sisters immediatly, with no encouragment from us whatso ever! With this beautiful mans help, i began to unintentionally explore the traumas i had experienced as a child and anylise the causes of my pain and emotional taunts. I was grieving for my lost childhood, for the sadness that still haunted my memories and for the sheer fact that there was never a day where i didnt feel pain, sorrow and complete anguish.. I was always the clown, the best friend, the deffender and the outgoing girl, to everyone else. But beneath my big smile and my general bubbly naturs, i was lonely, alone, powerless and tormented. I couldnt bare to be alone for long, before the ghosts of my past would come back to taunt me.. Since taking mum down of the pedastool i had placed her upon, i have been able to see her for what she really was. I dont know if this anger i have is just another belated stage of grief.. I feel as though my ability to see through my mother has enabled me to see the true root of my grief.. So much sadness is such a poisonous thing for such a young mind. All i had was sadness. Its all i knew. I was always unsure, unstable and unheard. I had no control in anything as a child. I was a pawn. To have all of that plus the sadness of a lost childhood and pretending to know how to raise a grieving seven year old into a stable, well rounded young man and all the bits and pieces in between.. Losing a parent so young is mind, soul and life cripiling. It takes a powerful person to push through to the other side. Its hard as hell and it damn near kills you. Im not guna lie. But i feellike ive been given a second chance at life. Between my family, my medication and my new found clarity, i know it wont be too much longer before i can kick the last of my grief. I honest to god thought id have killed myself before i turned twenty.. Ive learned to trust that i will come to the light of every tunnel i face so long as i dont surrender to the bull shit. Whoever you are, where ever you are, what ever youve been through.. Have faith in you. Give life time to show you what you are here for. What your purpose is. We ALL have one Believe it or not. Im still grieving but i feel different some how. The sadness isnt as deep.. I feel the pain but then i can calm it down too. I guess what im saying is that i have control. Its taken a long time. But just remember i didnt get to grieve for years. Finding my purpose, found me my peace. My mom passed away when I was 14, during my freshman year of high school. She had an aortic dissection and went into cardiac arrest, so those two things combined killed her. She was very sick and dizzy when she woke up to get ready for work that day, and I thought nothing of it. I had to go to school, and an ambulance came and took her to the hospital. I was texting my dad and brother all morning for updates, and the doctors said it was probably just food poisoning. I was so relieved. But later that day in school, my twin sister and I were called down to the guidance counselors and they told us that our mom had passed away. False hope made it so much worse. She was healthy, she had been losing weight on weight watchers and started running, etc. Every day I imagine how things would be different if she were still here. When I was at the age of 15 I had lost my mother to pancreatic cancer. The painful memories of my father as he struggled to stay strong for me, until after I married he then gave into alcohol abuse and went into a deep depression, which the many years of alcoholism caused him health problems and then he died at the age of 63. I was 33 at that time he passed away. I went through a year of very deep grief, uncontrollable crying and depression, and at times I thought I was going to go crazy with anxiety and loneliness for both my parents. I am very thankful for websites like this one that reach out to the many hurting people. May God comfort and bless you all who are hurting and lonely and with that comfort may we live a life to help others that are hurting and in need.